


When You Were Mine

by Adamarks



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, M/M, Snow, Songfic, dissociating tw, its not self harm per se more a lack of self preservation, minor self-harm tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26151208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adamarks/pseuds/Adamarks
Summary: “When you were mineYou were, kindaSortaMyBest friend.”Simon gasps. There’s a lump in his throat. He feels it stuck there, less distantly than he’d prefer.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 9
Kudos: 49





	When You Were Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Been wanting to write this since January

His breath fogs in the frigid air. The cold has seeped through his hoodie, kissing his skin. He barely feels it, though. He’s numb, floating approximately 6.3 inches above his body. 

The snow lays over the lawn as a soft blanket. It makes everything look clean and soft. Maybe if Simon got buried, he could feel like that, too. Maybe that would— do something. 

“That was Asia with  _ Heat of the Moment,”  _ says a tinny voice from the travel radio he has playing. “Next up, originally a song by Prince, Cyndi Lauper with:  _ When You Were Mine.”  _

Simon swallows. His jaw feels like it’s made out of cotton balls. 

Cyndi starts crooning. Simon only half registers what she’s saying. He’s busy being lonely and pathetic, swimming in in his own sadness and drifting in the ether. 

_ “You were so fine. _

_ Maybe that’s the reason that it hurt me so” _

_ Ah.  _

Maybe he should change the station. The last thing he needs is to think about:  _ Him. What happened. How it feels— _

_ “I don’t care.  _

_ Because I love you baby, that’s no lie.” _

_ Stop thinking about it— _

His therapist had said it’s okay to grieve a relationship. To be sad. That he needs to feel it. That it’s important to  _ feel  _ our  _ feelings. _

_ “I love you more than I did when you were mine.”  _

His cotton jaw clenches, and he moves an inch back towards his body. 

It was  _ good  _ that they weren’t— that Simon had— 

Fuck, Baz can be  _ free _ now. Happy. Satisfied. Loved right. Loved well. Loved—

_ By someone who’s not me. _

_ (Better than me.)  _

_ “When you were mine _

_ You were, kinda  _

_ Sorta _

_ My _

_ Best friend.”  _

Simon gasps. There’s a lump in his throat. He feels it stuck there, less distantly than he’d prefer. 

His hands, pulled by the strings tethering him to his body, come up and grip his hair. 

He hears heavy breathing— it’s him. He notices he must be crying. Again.  _ (Stop  _ doing  _ that. It was  _ your _ choice.) _

_ “I know _

_ That you’re going with some other guy.” _

_ Oh god. _

His stomach flips. His physical body reels him ever closer, back down into it.

_ “Cause I  _ **_love you_ ** _ ,  _ **_baby,_ ** _ that’s no lie.”  _

He feels his sobs now. Feels his stomach cramp and his throat close up. 

_ Come back.  _

He slots fully back into his stupid shitty body. The sobs wrack through him. Tears are warm on his almost numb face. His fingers are freezing. He’s shaking. 

_ I thought he was the cold one.  _

_ “I love you more, I love you more, I love you more—“ _

The song starts to fade away. Everything hurts. He has a headache. His toes hurt from the cold. 

He doesn’t understand how his heart keeps managing to break more, after he cremated the fucking thing. 

_ “I love you more, than when you were mine,”  _ she whispers. 

The grip on his hair hurts. 

_ I’m sorry.  _

_ Come back.  _


End file.
